


the holes in my sweater- krii7y

by Lia_thedad



Category: Youtubers
Genre: M/M, bbs kryoz smii7y krii7y john jaren mxm gay smitty youtubers sad depression pain love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:13:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23560603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lia_thedad/pseuds/Lia_thedad
Summary: both Jaren and john were going through a rough time. they end up telling each other and made a deal to hire an small house together and work on their mentality and physicality.neither of the boy knew that the feelings for each other would change because of this.
Relationships: krii7y john keyes x jaren smith smii7yxkryoz
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

Smii7y. Jaren.

The computer's screen went black as the male turned it off. A sigh escaped his lips as he looks at it. A few minutes before he was playing happily with his friends, smiling while editing and chatting with his best friend.

Yet now he's here, sad again and alone.

Jaren looks around his room before closing his eyes and rests his head against the chair. Its been 2 months now since he and his girlfriend broke up. She told him that he was spending too much time with that computer and his friends and didn't give her any attention anymore. Jaren knew this was right. He knew it was his own fault she left him. Yet it hurt him badly.

Talking to his friends was the only thing that had been making actually happy lately. The laughs, the jokes, the stupidity. It even made him smile right now. All these little things made him forget his insecurities and self doubt.

Especially john, kryoz, has been playing a big role in that. Even the distance his best friend felt closer than ever. He was also the only one who knew about Jarens break up and supported him as much as possible. John and him had an instant bond, they always had the weirdest conversations together which made him giggle out loud. And if he was a bit sad john always told him hes here to talk. Which jaren sometimes did, just the small things.  
Damb he was lucky to have such a great friend as john.

Jaren just noticed how big he was smiling at just these things, making him drop it and raise a eyebrow at himself.   
Just friends.   
Right?

The boy just shrugged it off and let's the thoughts leave his mind as he stands up and went to drink a glass of water.  
He had been eating and drinking poorly lately which john had noticed. He told him to at least drink so he wouldn't be able to pass out randomly. Jaren had agreed and was glad when john didn't ask why he was doing it. Yet he could feel the sadness in his voice.

God he even made his best friend disappointed. How much of a let down could he be? His parents where already disappointed because he started with YouTube, he let his girlfriend down because of his stupid feelings and even his friends he had here have distant him. He felt so pathetic. Nothing was great and he was too lazy and drown in self pity to fix it. The boy shakily puts his glass down and went out of the bathroom, only to crawl back into his bed, which he has been doing for the past months. It was cold without his girlfriend he could cuddle, cold without his happiness around him, without his friends, parents, family, pets and even his best friend he would rather have here now.

Everything was cold.

When Jaren was about too pass out, his phone turned on showing someone was calling him. He didn't bother to look who it was but picked it up anyways.  
"Hello?"

"Hey man." Johns voice flowed into Jarens ear.

.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.

John. Kryoz.

Unsteady breath, shaking hands, painful chest, dizzy, headache, stomachache. Everything hurts so much.

John holds himself up at the sink, hands tightly around the cold stone. He tries to calm himself and focus on his breath while holding his eyes closed tightly. Finally after a bit his body calmed down and john opened his eyes only to be meet by a sink covered in dried blood drops. He sighs sadly and turns on the water and starts scrubbing them off. The young male looks up at the mirror seeing his reflection looking back.

He looked terrible. Huge bags underneath his eyes letting it look he hasn't slept for months which he indeed hadn't, hair looking unwashed and messy, eyes dull and sad, overall a mess. God did he hate that stupid face of his. John bit his lip and shook his head, moving away from it and walked into his bedroom, sitting down on his bed. His head found a way into his hands. John knew what he was doing wasn't the right way but he'd feel bad to go ask help or tell his friends about his self hate. He was always alone in his house except for his dog who accompanied him other than that he could just lay here on the ground and die and nobody would care or notice.

Well...

His friends would be they didn't know about his situation, not even Jaren.

Jaren...

God bless he had him. It was the only way to distract himself. Just by talking to him he already forgot about his feelings and enjoyed the talks they had.

John felt the smile that creeps up his lips and felt onto his back. He let's out a long meaningful sigh. The male knew he was falling for the other but he always been trying to hold it back, because who would like a fuck up like him? Practically nobody. Yes he had thousands of fans who cared but they only knew his internet sona kryoz, not the real john. Nobody would like him.  
Especially not a boy like Jaren. He should be happy he already saw him as a friend.

Which he was, but fuck he hated how his stomach caught butterflies as soon as he heard Jaren laugh or seeing him smile. He missed their meetings and how they would hug tightly, saying no homo after every gay shit they did but end up in giggle fits.

John felt his smile grow and his stomach turn at the memories. Yet he stopped himself immediately. Jaren wasn't even gay and even if he was, john had no change. Nobody could like an idiot like him.

John stays laying like this, arms starting to feel less sore and his breath steady again.  
He hated how thinking about his memories of him and Jaren calmed him down. It just felt wrong.

"Why am I like this? I can't keep going like this" the bleached haired boy muttered and sat up.  
He grabbed his phone, taking a deep sigh before pushing in Jarens number.

He had to end this.

"Hello?"

Jarens soft but tired and confused voice hits johns ears. That only made him smile lightly.

"Hey man." He could feel his hands tremble.  
"John! What's up?" Jaren suddenly sounds way more awake  
"Oh you know, not much just living brother. But i didn't call you for that."  
"What is it then?"  
John could hear Jaren sit up. He took a deep breath and exhaled. "So uh I've been thinking, is it alright if I come over for a day or such? I mean it's been a while since we met up so yeah"  
"Of course! I'd love to see you man! It really has been a while geez. But you sure you want to come to Canada? It's fucking cold here"  
He chuckles and smiled "dude it's not as if I come naked or something, I can dress myself warm and shit"  
"I'm disappointed john, I would've expected you naked."  
"Dude that's gay"  
"Like you"  
"You bet"  
"Wait what?"  
"Anyways, I'll try getting a ticket for tomorrow, I'll text if I get it. Bye bye milk bag"  
He got a snicker and could practical feel Jarens smile through the phone making him smile as well.  
"Sure thing vape lord, can't wait to see you. Laterz baybee"

John hung up and lays his phone aside.

Did that just happen?


	2. Chapter 2

jaren.

When he heard john hang up he lays his phone down. There was a smile stuck on Jarens face with the thought he'll be seeing his friend after a few years. Yet the young male was questioning why the sudden john wanted to meet up after years. He frowns lightly since the other male would mostly discussed such things as visits a week before he actually came around. This made Jaren slightly concerned, hoping that john was okay. Yet he himself wasn't okay either looking around at the mess made him cringe already. Yeah he definitely should clean up tomorrow if john was coming. It was surprising how just a simple thing like john visiting could make him productive and it made him wish that his best friend could stay at his side for a while. Jaren was sure that john wouldn't judge or leave him even if his mind was tugging at him that he would. John wasn't like that, he was too caring to say at least.

Smii7y sighs and jumped up, heading towards the shower, which he hadn't been in weeks now. Once again john made the uninspected things happen. This made Jaren snicker before hopping underneath the hot stream.

After a long, good shower, Jaren walked out while rubbing his hair dry. He looked at his phone and smiled when seeing a text.

Vape bitch: got the tickets, get your ass ready because I'm coming in raw ;)

Jaren grinned. ''Somehow he gets everything done, how he does it is still a question unanswered " he muttered to himself before sending a text back with a thumbs up and a good night. The brunette throws his phone aside and crashed into his bed, tired. Before he felt asleep he could see his phone lit up and saw the text.

Vape bitch: good night❤ no homo

And with a grin Jaren passed out.

The next day Jaren stirred up, it was 7:00 am what was a surprising early time for him to wake up but he knew that he was excited to see john after so long. He jumped out of bed and went to clean immediately. It didn't take all to long which relieved Jaren since he thought it'd take ages to get everything on spot. After that he went to have a good breakfast since it was just 8:30 in the morning and it'd take 6-7 hours to fly here. John already knew where Jaren lived yet he felt like he should pick up the other youtuber. So after his breakfast he went to dress up and brush teeth as he texted.

Heelys to escape feelys: Hey man, when are you leaving and when do you arrive? I wanna pick ya up

And as always john replied in seconds, did this boy even sleep?

Vape bitch: I leave at 10:00 am so I'll be there around 16:00 pm. You don't have to pick me up tho I know how to get to your house.

Heelys to escape feelys: creepy man pedo

Heelys to escape feelys: okay but seriously john I want to pick you up, its been years. I'm surprised you even remember where I live.

Vape bitch: i might be old and gray but I would never forget anything about you.

For some reason that made Jarens heart ache for a moment and it wasn't because what he said hurt. As much it was partly a joke he felt like he really needed to hear that for some reason and even if it was his best friend it made him emotional. He smiled yet small tears went down his face.

Heelys to escape feelys: shit dude same here. But please Johnny boy? We can like go to eat something afterwards or pick up some food.

Vape bitch: if I didn't know better I'd suspected that you were asking me on a date

Heelys to escape feelys: that's gay but no homo

Vape bitch: no homo to you 2. Anyways sure sounds good we can pick up some food. I have to pack some shit, talk to you later

And with that Jaren had to entertain himself for 7 hours, waiting for his friend.

.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
John

He was shaking. As much as he tried to calm himself it didn't go away. John already regrets the decision he made about wanting to tell Jaren about how he was feeling lately. Yet his best friend deserves to know, feeling guilty he kept secrets from him. It was a double sided situation between feeling guilty of not telling him and not wanting to bother him with his problems. John strictly told himself to not see a doctor or such since he knew how that'd end.  
Pills and hospitals.  
(if you don't know what john means with that, he means he'll just overdose with the pills he's going to get. His problem hits deeper than just some confused feelings and he knows he should fight this on his own. There isn't anything thats going to help him with all this. Not even therapeutic help is going to make him feel different, at least he convinced himself that.)  
(Please do search help if you are depressed, self harming or anything like this. You shouldn't be fighting alone <3 )

John shoved his last cloth into his case and zips it up. He looks up at the clock and bit his lower lip slightly when he realized that it's almost time to go. The male couldn't get out of this anymore, he promised Jaren to visit and it'd hurt to disappoint him. Hell he could just have a fun week with him without telling if he decides to chicken out, it'd be at least good to get out of his lonely home for a bit. John sighs and stood up, taking his bag with him and went to his car.

After a half hour drive (?) John arrived at the airport. He looked up at the clock and saw he had still some time over, grabbing his phone and texted Jaren.

Vape bitch: ready set go man, I'm on the airport but still have to wait to get in the air.

When he wanted to put his phone away, it buzzed so john had no choice then look at it again.

Heelys to escape feelys: aiyt fam we're gonna get high when you arrive, it's gonna be liittt.

Vape bitch: jar you don't even do drugs.

Heelys to escape feelys: shh don't tell my friends that they'll think I'm uncool.

Vape bitch: I'm questioning why we are friends.

Heelys to escape feelys: shut up you love me.

Vape bitch: sadly.

He continued to talk to Jaren, the nerves he felt in the morning far from his mind and a goofy grin on his face. He spend texting Jaren until the plain took off, already sending Jaren a message that he's about to take off

During his flight john dozed off to sleep, basically because of his insomnia he didn't have a lot of sleep last night so the nap was pretty nice. When he woke up a few hours later he noticed that he only had an hour left before they landed. John shifted a bit in his sheet, both excited and scared to see his best friend again. He wondered if Jaren had changed over years, sure he had seen pictures and they skyped but online everything looks different then in real.

John spend his last hour with some lame offline game that somehow managed to be fun and time killing. He almost forgot about the time until the captain announced they were going to land. John quickly stuffed his phone away and waited, nervously picking at his nail polish.

After they landed john immediately went to take his bag/bags (he had one big one a few smaller ones) and made his way to the hall. Just when he wanted to text Jaren he had arrived, his phone ringed with the caller ID saying "some cunt or so" (he has different names for Smitty in his phone, so does Smitty for john) and immediately picked it up.

"Hey man where are you? It's quite busy." Jarens voice flows into johns ear.

"I'm right at the exit, you know-" he couldn't finish his sentence when he heard his name.

"John!"

He turned around and almost got tackled by a bear hug, two arms wrapping tightly around his neck and face buried into the crook of his neck. John shivered slightly but smiled and dropped his stuff so he could hug Jaren back, just as tightly as they didn't want to let go.

On that moment both guys felt safe into each others arms without realizing, as if nothing mattered anymore.

After a full few minutes of a really tight hug and both not wanting to let go they broke apart. Jaren beams brightly at john and he couldn't help but smile back.

"I could kiss you right now, that's how happy I am to see you. No homo tho" the other said with a happy grin.

"I'd let you, no homo" john wiggles his eyebrows earning a playful shove from Jaren.

He rolled his eyes at him. "C'mom crying gaymen let's get some food" he said and pick up one of his little bags, tugging john along to his car.


End file.
